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  Cheyenne’s heartbeat sped up again.

  “What’s up, Junior?” her father said proudly, stretching his arms out to embrace his son, her brother.

  Lil Kev side-stepped, and his eyes went into slits, his lips pursed. He looked his father up and down like he was a stranger in the street.

  “Yo, nigga. My name is Kev. I ain’t none of your Junior,” Lil Kev spat, scowling and poking his chest out toward his father.

  The entire room watched the exchange, including a shocked Cheyenne. Her mother stepped over.

  “Kevin! Don’t you dare be disrespectful! No matter what has happened, he is still your father,” her mother interjected angrily.

  Cheyenne could see the hurt on her father’s face, yet he still smiled. He’d never taken his eyes off Lil Kev.

  “Nah, it’s all right, Desi. I understand. I got penance to pay to my li’l man. I got years to make up. I’m willing to put in the work,” her father said, a fake smile painting his face.

  “Nah, nigga. You don’t owe me shit. The streets is my daddy now. I don’t need no just-free nigga trying to tell me how this is done,” Lil Kev growled, brushing past his father and mother.

  His crew of cronies gave his father dirty looks as they followed Lil Kev out.

  Cheyenne was heady and hot with embarrassment for her father. She knew her father wasn’t used to that kind of rejection, especially publicly. When her father left Coney Island, he had been a man who commanded respect from everyone, family or not.

  “Kevin! You come back here. Kevin!” her mother screamed at her brother’s back. Tears were running from her mother’s eyes.

  Cheyenne imagined that her mother must’ve felt the same shame and embarrassment that Cheyenne felt on behalf of her father. Cheyenne wasn’t even a man and she felt emasculated at that moment for her father. She reasoned that it must’ve been something for her father to take the high road in front of all of those people.

  “Let him go. Things will get better with time. I’m no stranger to challenges,” her father said as he shoved his hands deep into the pockets of his jeans. “This celebration is about my baby girl anyway, right? So, let’s party. There’s a lot of things to be happy about today!” he cheered. The crowd agreed, and the party started back up.

  Cheyenne watched her father closely after his fake pep talk. She could see her father’s jaw going square. His homecoming wasn’t going to be as happy as he thought.

  * * *

  “Chey? You all right? What happened?” Her father rushed to her side now, snapping Cheyenne out of her memory. “Your foot, it’s bleeding,” he said, frantically moving around to grab a towel.

  Cheyenne didn’t realize when the glass dropped, the shattering shards had pricked the skin on the top of her foot. “I’m... I’m fine,” she stammered, putting herself back in the present, which meant realizing again that her mother was gone. Forever.

  “Come sit down,” her father said, grabbing her elbow and escorting her over to a chair. “I heard the crash and didn’t know what was going on.”

  “I don’t know what happened, Daddy,” Cheyenne said, her voice quivering. “Who on earth would do this to her? There is no one I can think of. Can you?” Cheyenne asked, the tears coming back again.

  Her father sat her in the chair and then plopped into his own chair. He sighed loudly and put his head in his left hand. He paused awkwardly, and without looking up at Cheyenne, he said, “I don’t have an answer, baby girl. I’m lost too. I don’t know who would hurt her.”

  Cheyenne looked at him through her tears, but he never looked at her.

  * * *

  The first night her father was home, Cheyenne thought their apartment seemed much smaller than it had in years. Her father’s presence took up more space than any of them was used to. With the exception of Lil Kev, they all sat around talking the night after the surprise party. Cheyenne had stared at her father and thought to herself that he’d aged a lot in twelve years. His newly grown beard was sprinkled with gray, and he was starting to lose the hair in the middle of his head. Although he was still strikingly handsome, a few lines had begun to branch out from the sides of his eyes. His teeth were not the bright white Cheyenne remembered them always being when she was a kid. He’d gained a lot of weight, but it was all solid muscle. Everything about him seemed foreign to Cheyenne. His voice was louder, and his body was bigger than when he’d left.

  The only thing that didn’t seem to change was his expectations. Her father thought things with all of them were the same as they had been in 1996 when he’d been taken from the family. Cheyenne could tell right away he was going to have a hard time learning that he was no longer the center of everyone’s world.

  Her father’s was the first voice she heard when she awoke the day after he came home. It felt strange since she wasn’t used to hearing a man’s voice in their house in years. Cheyenne listened that morning and could tell that her father wasn’t alone. She was correct. When she padded into the kitchen in her robe and slippers, she saw that her father and Kelsi were up together. They were so engrossed in their laughter and conversation they hadn’t even heard Cheyenne approach.

  As she walked closer, she could see the side of Kelsi’s face. Kelsi seemed to glow like a teenager meeting her first love as she spoke to Big K. Cheyenne raised her eyebrows at the sight of them.

  “Y’all up early,” Cheyenne said, her voice still filled with remnants of sleep.

  Kelsi’s face was turned away from where Cheyenne stood, but when she heard Cheyenne’s voice, she jumped like Cheyenne was a ghost she wasn’t expecting to see. Cheyenne had thought Kelsi’s reaction strange, but she put it out of her mind. Her father smiled, but he seemed a bit jumpy and jittery too.

  “Hey. Baby girl,” her father sang, quickly pushing away from the table. He went over to Cheyenne and kissed her on the cheek. “I hope we didn’t wake you up. Kelsi was just telling me all of the Peaches stories I’ve missed. Boy, I tell you. Gone for twelve years and some things ain’t change one bit. That Peaches is something else. Always has been,” her father rambled, but something was funny about his voice. Nervousness, mixed with trepidation, was the best Cheyenne could describe it.

  At the time, any suspicions Cheyenne held left her mind as fast as they had come. Why would she suspect her best friend, who was like her sister, and her father? That was crazy!

  They sure didn’t seem like they were talking about Peaches. All that laughing. Ain’t shit funny about how Peaches is whoring herself out and smoking all of the crack she can find, Cheyenne said in her head as her father and Kelsi broke up their little pow-wow.

  Kelsi had never joked with Cheyenne about Peaches. Mostly she avoided speaking about Peaches at all. Cheyenne knew Kelsi hated her mother with a passion. Cheyenne shook off any ill thoughts she’d had.

  “Where’s Mommy?” Cheyenne asked her father and looked around. She wanted her tone to show that she didn’t appreciate all of her father and Kelsi’s laughing and reminiscing without her mother there. Especially since Cheyenne hadn’t gotten a chance to have any alone time with her father yet herself. She also thought reminiscing, laughing, and sharing light moments should be for her mother to be doing on her husband’s first full day home from a twelve-year bid.

  “That crazy lady went to work. Can you believe her?” Kelsi answered Cheyenne’s question right away.

  A flash of heat spread through Cheyenne’s body. She shot Kelsi a look. Kelsi acted like she hadn’t seen Cheyenne’s dirty look.

  “Hmph, her husband just came home after all this time, and she agreed to work someone’s shift for them instead of staying home. Not me. I would be locked in a room somewhere, laid up with my man for days. Even my kids wouldn’t be able to get in or interrupt our flow,” Kelsi continued, trying to sound like she was joking.

  Cheyenne thought she heard a hint of disgust underlying some of Kelsi’s words when she spoke about her mother leaving to go to work. Cheyenne tilted her head to the side, squinted a
little bit, and gave Kelsi the side eye. She didn’t like anyone talking about her mother. Kelsi of all people knew that about her.

  “Um, she is not crazy. She has a job. Which is more than I can say about a lot of people. Plus, I’m sure she had a good reason to go in today. I guess she figured he’s home now and he ain’t going nowhere with nobody else, so why not make the money? It’s probably just for a few hours anyway,” Cheyenne grumbled defensively.

  Cheyenne’s message to them both was clear. Kelsi got quiet. Her father had a big, dumb grin on his face.

  Cheyenne grabbed a breakfast shake out of the refrigerator and started back toward her room.

  “How about we go down to the rides today?” her father yelled out as she walked away. She didn’t know if he was trying to make light of the tension-filled exchange that had taken place or if he was serious. She paused for a few minutes.

  He can’t be serious. How old does he think I am? Cheyenne thought and rolled her eyes without letting him see.

  Kelsi hadn’t said a word. Cheyenne figured Kelsi was thinking the same thing she was thinking: He has clearly been gone too damn long.

  “Um, yeah. You’ve been gone way too long. The rides are no place to go nowadays. Half of them are gone or broken down. Nobody dares eat at that Nathan’s anymore. Trust me, nothing around here, including the rides, is like it was in 1996,” Cheyenne lectured, trying to keep the obvious disappointment out of her voice. She immediately felt sorry for her father. The transition home wasn’t going to be easy if he continued to live in the past.

  * * *

  “Did you still love her?” Cheyenne asked her father after snapping out of her memory of the past.

  Her father looked at her strangely and jumped to his feet. “I do love her. I will always love her,” he said emphatically. “You don’t ever have to ask me a question like that again,” he said, storming out of the kitchen, leaving Cheyenne alone.

  Chapter 5

  Brice

  Brice didn’t know what else to say to his mother. Once again, just like before, her nerves were harried over his sister. Brice pinched the bridge of his nose and wished he had an entire bottle of headache pills to choke down. He had watched his mother go through so much over the years. She’d been a victim of domestic violence, she’d been discriminated against in the workplace, and she’d lived through close calls with almost losing both of her children to the streets. Brice wished he could save her from any more heartache.

  He stood in front of his mother, helpless and speechless. He’d expected her to call him once she found out Ciara’s plan to run off to Vietnam with no friends or family there and no knowledge of any other part of the world but Brooklyn, New York. Brice knew his mother would be devastated, and he was right.

  “I don’t know where I went wrong,” his mother said, wrapping her arms around her herself tightly. She moved aimlessly on her feet. “She will kill me of a heart attack, you know. That must be what she’s trying to do. But why? What have I done? What haven’t I done? I’ve dedicated my whole life to you both. What did I do wrong?” she said, flopping down onto her couch, too exhausted to keep moving.

  “C’mon, Ma. You know you’ve done your best. Of course it wasn’t anything you did or didn’t do,” Brice said, walking over to his mother. “And no one is going to die of anything, heart attack included,” he said in his stern way of comforting her.

  Brice was frustrated with everything his sister was doing, but he couldn’t show it. Once again, Ciara had them living under stress, day and night. It hadn’t taken that long to end up back here. Brice and his mother had been in this place before—scared, unsure, and lost for a solution when it came to her.

  Brice sat down next to his mother and put his arm around her shoulders. He wanted her to know they were a united front, in it together.

  They sat in silence for a few minutes. Silence wasn’t Brice’s best friend when he was under any kind of stress. And, just like all of the other intrusive thoughts he struggled to get rid of, Brice was triggered. He closed his eyes and tried to shake it off, but again, his memory betrayed him.

  * * *

  Brice paced in circles on the same floor in his mother’s house. Beads of sweat lined up on his hairline like ready soldiers.

  “Sit down for a minute,” his mother said as she fanned herself. Brice made her nervous. On top of her sixteen-year-old daughter being missing, his mother didn’t need his attitude and tension as another stressor.

  “Why didn’t you call me on Friday? I’m a cop for goodness sake. You know how it looks for me to report my sister missing after she’s been gone three days?” Brice reprimanded her.

  He immediately regretted his tone. Brice hadn’t meant to be so hard on his mother, but he’d gotten emotional because she’d waited so long when Ciara might’ve been in danger.

  His mother began crying.

  Brice shook his head and breathed out loudly. “Ma, I didn’t mean it. I’m just upset and nervous,” he apologized and put his arm around her shoulders.

  When his mother called, Brice had been buried in evidence and paperwork regarding his case. The dead girl, Arianna Coleman, already had him on edge. Brice immediately sent three squad cars out to scour the streets of Brooklyn, looking for his little sister. His commanding officer had asked him to stay behind with his mother. They said Brice was too emotionally wired to be actively involved in the search for his own sister.

  At that time, it was not like Ciara to run away. She was sixteen years old and had never stayed out overnight without permission to be at a friend’s house. And even that was rare.

  Although he was looking for his own sister, Brice wasn’t able to stop thinking about what the mother of the victim in his case had said. Her daughter was a good student and wouldn’t have run away. But the mother had also noticed changes in her daughter’s behavior—coming home late from school, angry all the time—changes that were eerily similar to his sister’s. The entire situation made Brice’s stomach muscles clench. He wiped his hands down his face and held his head in his hands, trying to be patient while waiting for the search results.

  Brice felt torn up inside, like he’d failed his sister and his mother. Things like this weren’t supposed to happen to his family. He had worked hard to get his mother out of the projects and into a nice brownstone in Bed-Stuy. He’d joined the police department to help victims and their families, not to become a victim’s family.

  Finally, there was a knock on the door. Two familiar NYPD patrol officers stood there.

  “What’s up, Simp?” one of the officers said, his tone sorrowful.

  Brice stepped out onto the stoop to speak to them. He didn’t want to upset his mother any further, especially if it was bad news.

  “What did they find out?” Brice asked, cutting to the chase.

  “Man, her trail ran cold. She hasn’t been to school in a couple of days. Some girl at the school said a guy in a big fancy car came to pick her up on a few occasions, but she couldn’t remember the type of car or any other pertinent details,” the cop explained to Brice.

  Brice reacted like a bomb had exploded in his head. He swayed on his feet and didn’t even realize it. He suddenly felt a rush of heat and got lightheaded. This was all his fault. He had become so consumed with his career that he hadn’t even realized his sister was in trouble.

  “So y’all going to keep searching, right?” Brice asked, blinking rapidly to clear the black spots from his vision.

  “Well, we will turn it over to midnights,” the other cop replied. “But we already searched the places you said she might be.”

  “I want the whole fucking city combed! I don’t care if it’s street by fucking street. This is my sister. She didn’t run away!” Brice exploded and pushed one of the officers in the chest. The veins in Brice’s neck throbbed.

  “Whoa, man. I will pass on the message,” the lead cop said with finality and then turned to leave.

  Brice punched at the air. His head pounded.
He needed more information. The mystery of it all had been driving him crazy.

  What happened to make my sister change so suddenly? What is she trying to hide?

  Brice tried to compose himself before he went back inside the house to speak with his mother. He knew she would have a million questions, and he needed to find the answers fast.

  He stormed back into the house, rushing past his mother. He’d decided against milling around, talking to her any longer. Before his mother even had a chance to fire a single question, he stormed straight for Ciara’s bedroom.

  Banging open the door, Brice pillaged through his sister’s personal effects like a man possessed. He opened dresser drawers and threw clothes left and right. He went into the closet and pulled clothes off hangers and dumped the neat stack of sneaker boxes, looking for hidden clues. He even got on his knees and looked under her bed. When his efforts turned up empty, he pulled the comforter and sheets from the mattress and even examined the mattress itself to see if anything had been stashed inside or underneath.

  He began to tremble all over. His anxiety caused him to start coming apart mentally. But that didn’t stop him from continuing his search.

  Brice walked to Ciara’s desk and emptied out the drawers one by one. Papers sprinkled over his feet like large snowflakes. Brice pulled the last drawer out and spotted Ciara’s diary. He bent down and picked it up and noticed that it was locked.

  “Fuck this,” Brice grumbled, picking the lock with his pocket knife. With the sharp metal edge, he cut the small piece of leather that connected the lock with the book pages. He flipped through the pages of the diary and finally found a page that piqued his interest. Brice’s heart sank when he read the lines: He said he loved me. He said he is going to make me a star.

  Brice felt like someone had kicked him in the heart. He dropped the book and raced out of the room, straight past his mother.

  “Brice? Brice! What is it?” his mother called out behind him.